My name is Hope and I am 1/2 of the DIVAProject! I’ve finally reached THE point where I am no longer ashamed or scared to share my identity — YAY! I want to start summarizing/critiquing/sharing different articles that I am currently reading on Domestic Violence and more specifically Intimate Partner Violence. My goal is […]
Whenever I have those down days, moments, and thoughts I listen to this song and it reminds me of how strong I am. YOU are just as strong. Have Faith in yourself and the rest will follow. ~ DIVA ~ xo Hope ox
A couple months ago I was honored to have been asked by Kellie Jo Holly to become a mentor for Verbalabusejournals.com. Kellie has a survivor-mentor program in which survivors have an online mentor-mentee relationship with those who are in, or have left, abusive relationships.
I’ve been a mentor now since May 1st and it has been truly rewarding. One of the things I’ve found the most striking is how similar abusive relationships are. The individual who I am mentoring had a completely different relationship and experienced different kinds of abuse than I did. However, there are SEVERAL similarities between the two relationships an the nature of the abuse.
It’s been an amazing experience and has been yet another step in my healing process. If you, or anybody you know, would benefit from having a mentor PLEASE contact myself at firstname.lastname@example.org or contact Kellie Jo Holly at verbalabusejournals.com .
I still think about my ex boyfriend everyday. Ugh. However, the thoughts that I do have, have decreased to only two most frequent thoughts. This is an improvement seeing as though only 6 months ago my thoughts were jumbled clutter consisting of multiple thoughts within the same thought; that was tiring. Currently, my main thoughts are:
#1 When will things go sideways for him?
This is by far my most frequent thought. It doesn’t make sense that he is still living in this world where the majority of people think he’s amazing. He’s got to get tired of it at some point, living a life of lies must be exhausting! I’m not going to sit around holding my breath for him to go to jail for selling drugs, or being abusive. However, I do believe that at some point in his life, someone who thinks the world of him will catch wind of the side of him he tries to hide, and will then understand why I left.
#2. Why is his family unable to see through him?
This thought is pretty consistent as well. There are multiple signs that my ex is a hot mess and yet they choose to ignore all the signs. Perhaps they know, and are in denial. Perhaps they are tired of solving his issues for him and don’t want to get their hands dirty again. Still yet maybe they are oblivious to what his happening right in front of them. I am no longer in the place where these thoughts consumes my day, but I still think about it. All in all it makes me sad that the people in his life don’t seem to be concerned with his emotional and mental health. Their primary concern appears to be his career success, which he has lots of.
I’ve concluded that the primary reasons why I still think about my ex so often is due to the nature of my work as well as this blog; not mention with any form of abuse it takes time to heal. I am thankful for my mindfulness as it has enabled me to monitor my healing process. I’ve made huge strides, but I still have quite a bit of work to do. Do you still have thoughts about your abusive ex boyfriend or girlfriend? What are they? Thanks for sharing!
I came across this gem on Instagram a couple of days ago. I like it because it brings humor to a very serious issue. I find all too often women, much more than men, make excuses for the way their significant other acts. And this very issue is at the heart of an abusive relationship. Bottom line is that nobody, man or woman, should ever verbally, coercively, sexually, emotionally or physically abuse you. There is NO excuse for people who are abusive. These are some of the excuses I made for my ex boyfriend:
“He’s really tired, I should have had dinner ready on time.”
“He just had a serious concussion, he’s still recovering.”
“He just got fired from his job, it’s only natural for him to take it out on me.”
“He’s working way harder than I am, I shouldn’t have brought up that issue that was bothering me.”
“It’s selfish of me to go out with my friends when he can’t because he’s so busy.”
These are only a few examples of the excuses I made for my ex. I made these kind of excuses every day. What are some of the excuses you previously made for you ex? If you are currently in an abusive relationship, are you able to recognize the excuses you are making for your partner and what are they?
Upon waking up today, I asked myself “Is it Friday yet?”, immediately a sense of guilt washed over me. Why am I wanting time to pass me by? Time is both precious and limited. There are so many blessings in my life, I don’t think I could count them all. Learning to live in the now is one of the fundamental elements of yoga and meditation. Living in the now leads to increased self awareness and appreciation for where YOU are in your life (and at this very moment) now. It leads us to be more thankful of the many blessings that we take for granted daily. Since moving to NYC a little over a month ago I’ve only taken two yoga classes… I think it’s time I reconnect with my mat and practice living in the now.
The past month has been incredibly hectic for me. I’ve moved to New York City and started my job about two weeks ago! It’s all been amazing. I have friends, opportunities, and a life here; something that I didn’t have when I was living in Montreal with my (verbally abusive) ex boyfriend. I don’t feel isolated, I feel alive. I don’t feel meek, I feel strong. I know longer feel like I do not have any options because I have a fulfilling life to live. I know longer rely on anybody else, because I make my own money and my own decisions.
Within 7 months my life has gone from depressing, to turned completely upside down, to peaceful and I am now finally at a place of excitement and strength. This is a reminder to all who are still suffering with the pain of their previously (or currently) abusive relationships. For those of you who left, stay strong! The storm will pass! Those of you who haven’t left, continue to remind yourself that you are worth way more than what you’ve been dealing with. You are all SO much stronger than you think you are. After the pain and all the unanswered questions become quite in your mind you will feel more alive than you ever did. Life only hands you struggles that you can handle, you can and WILL get through this!
I want to thank my co-blogger for posting and tweeting away while I get settled into a new city, new job and new life. I am happy to be back!
Seeking counsel after you leave an abusive relationship is something I highly recommend. Speaking to someone who is knowledgeable about the issue can provide sound insight when you’ve been left confused, hurt and, broken.
Recently, I was fortunate to connect with Kellie Jo Holly, advocate against domestic violence and the founder of AbuseJournals.com. I was seeking advice on how to cope with lingering loose-ends, so to speak, of my former verbally abusive relationship, which I had been struggling with for months.
Kellie’s insight gave me the strength I needed to push forward and break the barriers I was imposing upon myself. Being a survivor of verbal abuse and an educated counselor in the field, she was the best resource that I could have found during my time of pain and confusion.
That being said, Kellie has been mentoring for some time now and is growing a base of mentors to help victims of abuse. I encourage you to explore this resource, especially if you’re in need of answers to what may seem, countless questions.
Further, if you want to share your story and hone your counseling skills, be a mentor! There are also opportunities to join her amazing team.