If you were going…

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call? What would you say and why are you waiting? ~Stephen Levine

I read this quote and the first person that popped into my head was my ex boyfriend, the one who was verbally abusive. It was curious to me because after thinking about it for some time I  am quite sure I would actually call my father, or my elder brother.  Yet, there is a part of me that thinks “My Dad already knows exactly how I feel about him, so perhaps I would make that phone call to someone who isn’t sure about the impact they made in my life.”

I thought of my ex because I’d want him to know that despite everything he put me through, I still care about his well-being. I’d want him to know that whatever event(s) made him unable to process his emotions in a healthy way that it is okay to talk about, and ask for help. I’d tell him that I don’t hate him…as that was the last thing I said to him via email.

All in all the fact that his name came into my head, showed me just how much compassion I have for my ex. It made me realize how deeply I care for him and how much I pity him at the same time. It saddens me that although I am still healing from our relationship, and I have days that I question his love and motives during our relationship, I know I will NEVER feel as sad and as small as he must feel on a regular basis to treat people the way he treated me.


xo Hope ox


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